Tuesday 18 August 2009
Why am I so fed up?
The last 4 days I have been a sense of melancholy and deep boredom! I know I have things to do; I've got my french to learn, soap operas to catch up on and an article to write for 'The Argument', yet I can't bring myself to do it. Today is worse than its been a long time - I don't usually feel depressed, but today in particular I have been extremely down in the dumps and I don't know why. I think most of it is that I have been stuck in my bedroom for 3 weeks now with nothing to do. I've got no money, my boyfriend has gone off on holiday, I haven't seen my friends (the few that I have anyway!) in over 2 and a half weeks and I am getting bored of everything - even the things I usually love to do. I thought "lets write an article".... but I couldn't write it because my mind went blank and I couldn't think of anything; and I didn't feel like doing it after that. I haven't felt 'in the mood' to learn any French for 4 days. I haven't done any running for weeks now and I really don't feel in the mood to do that, even though it used to make me happy. And I just went to look at pictures of me and Philip; something that 4 days ago, would make me smile very much and laugh my head off because we have such weird and wonderful pictures. But today, I am just down in the dumps quite badly and I don't know why. Nothing seems to make sense. Before these past few days, I had been feeling happier than ever and truely optimistic. I thought that next year would be a brilliant new start for me at university; I would make loads of new friends, join a billion and 1 societies, continue my great relationship with my wonderful boyfriend. This will still happen (I hope), don't get me wrong. But now, my mind has suddenly gone from one extremity (optimism) to another (pessimissm) and I don't know how to shake it since I don't really know what the leading cause is. I guess its a combination of being truely fed up of Philip not being here; being bored to tears, almost, with everything that I do day in, day out - nothing ever changes. I wake up - usually too late - turn on my laptop, check facebook throuhgout the day about 200 times, watch a few soaps maybe, play some music that I am sick and tired of on youtube and chat to the same people everyday - I love these people, don't get me wrong... but its just the routine of it. I want to be able to say "I know... today I will go shopping!" or spontaneously decide to go out clubbing with mates but I have no money. Instead I am stuck in my dingy room as per usual wishing I could get out. And all the while, family issues occur. Mum gets a bill through the post of just under £3000 which the shitty Inland Revenue over paid her six damn years ago and only informed her of today! That means now my birthday will be virtually non-existant and we will have to virtually starve for the next 3 years while she pays that back on top of her other bills! I can't go out clubbing with my mates for my birthday - even though I've 'planned' a joint birthday party with Justine - because I have no money! I guess this just makes up for what a bad, terrible, horrible person I am.... thanks life... thanks for giving me almost the worst year ever (apart from giving me ONE good thing, and thats Philip!) and then making my birthday the suckiest I've ever experienced in my life. You know... maybe I am being too pessimistic here, because I know I have Philip and he will probably make me really happy on my birthday. But when I get in this frame of mind where everything sucks and everything is boring and nothing is going how I want it to go, I can't see anything in a positive light. The sooner Philip comes back and saves me from this misery the better!
Thursday 13 August 2009
The month summed up
Sorry about the lack of updates; I had writers block for a while and I've also had an exciting and busy month!
The brief overview is that my boyfriend came over from Luxembourg; I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks so I was missing him muchly. I cooked him a roast dinner on the first day and it almost failed disastrously, but in the end he had to help me cook it because he arrived 2 hours earlier than he said he would, I didn't have all the ingredients so had to borrow some off my mum and then I took forever to peel things so I needed his help lol... never doing a roast dinner again! haha.
I was over my grandma's (known as 'nan' in England... just so you American's don't think I am talking about a nanny lol) for the week looking after her house and dog while she went on holiday to Devon. I almost had a mental break down though because the dog did my head in because he poo'd on the carpet 3 times, and poor Philip ended up cleaning it up :( I feel so guilty about that!
The same day the dog poo'd on the carpet and caused us havvoc, we got our exam results! I did really well, I got a 2:1 (known as a Upper Second Class Honours) in law for the first year, and Philip got a 2:1 in music technology for his first year too. So that is good! :D That night, we got a little drunk on champagne and it was the most passionate night I have ever experienced, I think :P
Then we went on holiday to Inverness in Scotland. Despite the lack of money (which got me down a little because I was worrying all the time instead of relaxing), it was a fantastic holiday! We stayed in a really fancy bed and breakfast just outside of Inverness, in the middle of no where, so there were beautiful scenery. The service was really good; breakfast was extremely tasty, and our bedroom we really posh! :) We saw dolphins on the Moray Firth cruise... they came right up to the boat! It was perfect! :D That was probably the highlight of the holiday. We also took a cruise along the loch ness, which was really good but the winds were horrific and I felt like I was going to get blown over board lol! We went to a really fascinating ruined castle on the edge of the loch ness called Urquhart castle; I recommend it, if you ever go to that part of Scotland! We went to the victorian market which was pretty kool; it was basically a shopping mall that was made in the victorian times and it still looks very much victorian with lots of little shops. We went to Cawdor castle which was where Shakespeare's play 'Macbeth' was set. The inside was OK, but it was annoying because we couldn't touch anything and they even had censors so that if you touched anything an alarm would go off (we found out this when Philip leant over the barrier to find out if some fake fruit was real and got told off! LOL!). The gardens and forest surrounding Cawdor castle was beautiful though; absolutely stunning, and there was even a red river flowing alongside it which was really pretty :). We also learnt a lot about the history of the last battle which took place on British school, near Inverness; we went to Culloden Battlefield (where the last battle took place over 200 years ago), and Fort George - an amazing fort built to protect against any future uprising. Fort George was absolutely massive, but it was terribly winding and I can't imagine it ever being warm there because it is extremely high up and surrounded by water - so if you ever go, wear a coat and a hat! Culloden Battlefield was interesting, but what was particularly interesting was the new visitor centre which told you everything you needed to know about the battle in a lot of detail; they had a little museum in there, a video room where it made you feel like you were actually in the battle etc. We also took a walk along Caledonian Canal, the River Ness up to the Ness islands (which were beautiful and a really lovely walk) and we went into the Inverness Museum. The museum is worth a visit as there were lots of stuffed animals like otters, wolves, badgers and it was really fascinating. We were also lucky enough to be in Inverness during the annual Highland games, where there were people playing the bagpipes, scottish dance competitions, basque sports and dances, birds of prey were bought in and we actually got to stroke them! Not to mention caber tossing! Overall it was an action packed holiday and both me and Philip thoroughly enjoyed it.
After that we came back to my house and we weren't quite sure what to do with ourselves. We ended up building a 1000 piece puzzle (with the help of my mum) which took us several hours! We played some board games, went for a trip to the lakes on a nice sunny day, had dinner at my nans a few times (my cousins came down to visit and so Philip had a chance to meet them) and we also watched a few episodes of Planet Earth. But the most exciting bit of this week, for me, was that me and Philip started writing a song about my heart operation, which Philip will eventually record once it is finished (hes the musician, not me! haha I am just the subject of the song lol).
When Philip left, I went clubbing with some friends (Justine and Grace and several of Grace's friends) which was really fun. I got all my drinks bought for me (I got bought about 15 drinks that night, not to mention the ones at Grace's and Martin's!), and we even got into the VIP lounge due to Grace's sexy clubbing dress LOL! The only downside is that after being in a club full of about 1000 people, I ended up contracting swine flu and was virtually bed ridden for 6 days after that! I am now recovered, though I wouldn't say fully because I still have a cough and a snivelly nose but I am LOADS better than I was!
So as you can see it has been a very busy month and here are just a few pictures of the events!
Left: Drummers and bagpipe players at the Highland games in Inverness
Right: An owl at the Highland games in Inverness
Left: Caledonian Canal
Right: Ness islands along the River Ness
Left: a section of Fort George
Right: the bed and breakfast me and Philip were staying in, it was 5* and called Daviot Lodge
Left: The views from Loch ness, including the side of Urquhart castle
Right: inside Urquhart castle ruins
Left: Philip next to the red river which flows alongside Cawdor castle
Right: Cawdor castle behind lots of flowers from their beautiful gardens!
My footage from Moray Firth cruises of the dolphins:
The brief overview is that my boyfriend came over from Luxembourg; I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks so I was missing him muchly. I cooked him a roast dinner on the first day and it almost failed disastrously, but in the end he had to help me cook it because he arrived 2 hours earlier than he said he would, I didn't have all the ingredients so had to borrow some off my mum and then I took forever to peel things so I needed his help lol... never doing a roast dinner again! haha.
I was over my grandma's (known as 'nan' in England... just so you American's don't think I am talking about a nanny lol) for the week looking after her house and dog while she went on holiday to Devon. I almost had a mental break down though because the dog did my head in because he poo'd on the carpet 3 times, and poor Philip ended up cleaning it up :( I feel so guilty about that!
The same day the dog poo'd on the carpet and caused us havvoc, we got our exam results! I did really well, I got a 2:1 (known as a Upper Second Class Honours) in law for the first year, and Philip got a 2:1 in music technology for his first year too. So that is good! :D That night, we got a little drunk on champagne and it was the most passionate night I have ever experienced, I think :P
Then we went on holiday to Inverness in Scotland. Despite the lack of money (which got me down a little because I was worrying all the time instead of relaxing), it was a fantastic holiday! We stayed in a really fancy bed and breakfast just outside of Inverness, in the middle of no where, so there were beautiful scenery. The service was really good; breakfast was extremely tasty, and our bedroom we really posh! :) We saw dolphins on the Moray Firth cruise... they came right up to the boat! It was perfect! :D That was probably the highlight of the holiday. We also took a cruise along the loch ness, which was really good but the winds were horrific and I felt like I was going to get blown over board lol! We went to a really fascinating ruined castle on the edge of the loch ness called Urquhart castle; I recommend it, if you ever go to that part of Scotland! We went to the victorian market which was pretty kool; it was basically a shopping mall that was made in the victorian times and it still looks very much victorian with lots of little shops. We went to Cawdor castle which was where Shakespeare's play 'Macbeth' was set. The inside was OK, but it was annoying because we couldn't touch anything and they even had censors so that if you touched anything an alarm would go off (we found out this when Philip leant over the barrier to find out if some fake fruit was real and got told off! LOL!). The gardens and forest surrounding Cawdor castle was beautiful though; absolutely stunning, and there was even a red river flowing alongside it which was really pretty :). We also learnt a lot about the history of the last battle which took place on British school, near Inverness; we went to Culloden Battlefield (where the last battle took place over 200 years ago), and Fort George - an amazing fort built to protect against any future uprising. Fort George was absolutely massive, but it was terribly winding and I can't imagine it ever being warm there because it is extremely high up and surrounded by water - so if you ever go, wear a coat and a hat! Culloden Battlefield was interesting, but what was particularly interesting was the new visitor centre which told you everything you needed to know about the battle in a lot of detail; they had a little museum in there, a video room where it made you feel like you were actually in the battle etc. We also took a walk along Caledonian Canal, the River Ness up to the Ness islands (which were beautiful and a really lovely walk) and we went into the Inverness Museum. The museum is worth a visit as there were lots of stuffed animals like otters, wolves, badgers and it was really fascinating. We were also lucky enough to be in Inverness during the annual Highland games, where there were people playing the bagpipes, scottish dance competitions, basque sports and dances, birds of prey were bought in and we actually got to stroke them! Not to mention caber tossing! Overall it was an action packed holiday and both me and Philip thoroughly enjoyed it.
After that we came back to my house and we weren't quite sure what to do with ourselves. We ended up building a 1000 piece puzzle (with the help of my mum) which took us several hours! We played some board games, went for a trip to the lakes on a nice sunny day, had dinner at my nans a few times (my cousins came down to visit and so Philip had a chance to meet them) and we also watched a few episodes of Planet Earth. But the most exciting bit of this week, for me, was that me and Philip started writing a song about my heart operation, which Philip will eventually record once it is finished (hes the musician, not me! haha I am just the subject of the song lol).
When Philip left, I went clubbing with some friends (Justine and Grace and several of Grace's friends) which was really fun. I got all my drinks bought for me (I got bought about 15 drinks that night, not to mention the ones at Grace's and Martin's!), and we even got into the VIP lounge due to Grace's sexy clubbing dress LOL! The only downside is that after being in a club full of about 1000 people, I ended up contracting swine flu and was virtually bed ridden for 6 days after that! I am now recovered, though I wouldn't say fully because I still have a cough and a snivelly nose but I am LOADS better than I was!
So as you can see it has been a very busy month and here are just a few pictures of the events!
Left: Drummers and bagpipe players at the Highland games in Inverness
Right: An owl at the Highland games in Inverness
Left: Caledonian Canal
Right: Ness islands along the River Ness
Left: a section of Fort George
Right: the bed and breakfast me and Philip were staying in, it was 5* and called Daviot Lodge
Left: The views from Loch ness, including the side of Urquhart castle
Right: inside Urquhart castle ruins
Left: Philip next to the red river which flows alongside Cawdor castle
Right: Cawdor castle behind lots of flowers from their beautiful gardens!
My footage from Moray Firth cruises of the dolphins:
Saturday 20 June 2009
Nostalgic... why?
Okay so its 1.45am here in England, and you may be wondering why I am writing a blog at this insane hour? Today has been a hectic day. I got up at 10am, and realised it was the last day I was going to spend with my boyfriend for 3 weeks as he was leaving to go to his home in Luxembourg. His dad arrived around 12pm, and I was aiming to please by making custard tarts for Philip to take home for himself and his family, and I cooked me, Philip and his dad onion soup.
It was sad to see Philip go as it feels like a lifetime being away from him, when in fact its just under 3 weeks (2 weeks and 5 days in fact). I cried 4 times yesterday about him leaving, in secret but I tried to keep a brave face. Then today I cried once when he went out to drop his key off at the uni, even though I knew he was coming back for a few more hours! I was washing up one minute, the next minute I was crying for what seemed to be no reason. I think the main reason I was upset was because I know me and Philip haven't been apart for even a day so far! Even when we have had really busy schedules, we've managed to hang out for at least an hour in a day. This will be our first ever break apart.
Tomorrow... or in fact, later today... I am going home too. I've spent the last 5 hours cleaning both bathrooms, hoovering the kitchen, living room, hall way, landing, stairs; polishing, washing up, cleaning cupboards, cleaning the fridge and freezer, cleaning the oven, doing a few bits of last minute packing and then carrying almost the entire contents of my room downstairs ready to be put into the van tomorrow morning.
Now, you may be wondering why I am on here writing a blog and not in bed. I ask myself the same question! I guess I can't sleep because I am thinking about Philip and how I miss him already and I won't be able to kiss him goodnight, but also because I am excited about going home. Another part of me is feeling nostalgic... after all these bad memories, I feel nostalgic?! WHY?!?!
The only times I can recall being happy here was when me and Philip was becoming really good friends... bonding, as it were... and some really fun moments when me and Philip had been together (to be honest, most of the time we have been together has been fun but noteable times are: when we first became really good friends by Philip eating his dinner at the same time I was watching 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here' and he would do funny impressions and I'd take the piss out of the theme tune :P, also when we've messed about playing silly games such as "finding Philip with a towel on my head", snow day when we all had the day off uni and built snowmen! (Philip's came out like a baby penguin with a saucepan for its head), also the time Philip did some DIY outfit for me because I was going out for fancy dress... he made me a mask for my 'robber' outfit haha, then there was all the times watching bad girls until insane hours, then there was the time he got me addicted to sesame street and the muppet show... particularly cookie monster! Then all the times me and Philip laughed about silly things, and Philip used to tell me terrible old jokes that nobody found funny yet somehow I would be cracking up for 20 minutes about that one thing i.e. whats black and white and 'red' all over = a newspaper! HAHA BOOM BOOM. And then there was the night of Lucy's birthday party and there were many crazy drunks downstairs so me and Philip "set up camp" in my room and chatted and played DS all night... after that we became DS addicts haha. Also when Philip cooked me a meal or I cooked him a meal and we'd have a romantic meal together... a noteable example of this was valentines day when I made him a lasagne). Whilst that may seem like a lot, it has been a year here, and there has been so much trouble. Many arguments, the whole issue with Simon, the many issues with Tom and Lucy, and the invaders such as rats, ants and a dead mouse under my floorboards! Not to mention the house is falling apart and nothing seems to work.
Random side note: I kept editing this list the entire time I was making this blog... theres been soooo many good times with Philip!
Yet somehow I still feel nostalgic. I even sometimes smile when I think back to the first week of university, even though I now know it was all superficial. I just loved the 'team/house spirit'. We cooked together, ate together, went out to the pub together, and just generally hung out and had a good time together... for the first week anyway. Then everything changed.
But hey. Whilst I may not miss Tom, Lucy, the downs, and nothing working... I will miss the funny times that me and Philip shared in the house particularly in his room, my room and the living room!
Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure!
Fancy-dress for law social as a robber... Philip made the mask :D Incidentally, me and Philip got together that night...
Philip being cookie monster... dum-de-dum... COOKIE!!!!!... nom nom nom nom...
Day after Lucy's party and there were balloons left over. Philip stuck a balloon to my head, and I was clearly not mastering the art of blowing up a balloon...
Snow day and I was trying to make a head for my snowman...
On the left is a guy about to throw a ball...on the right is a french octopus trying to throw a ball... [this was my insane art skills on the DS... I rule, right?]
Philip enjoying the french onion soup I made him...
Thursday 18 June 2009
A new woman?
I have decided I am going to show anyone who has tried to lower my confidence by talking about my weight gain! They just want to get to me and make me feel bad; they want to make me feel like I am ugly so that they can feel better about themselves. But no - I won't let them win. Whilst they may have got to me, I am not going to let myself forever feel bad about it; I am going to do something which will make me feel and look better than they could ever imagine. I can't wait to see their face when they see me next academic year looking slim, toned and sexy!
I realise that lately I have let myself slip; I've been eating lots and lots of junkfood and snacks without a care in the world and in turn that has caused me to gain weight and stretch marks to boot. But instead of falling into their trap where they make me feel bad and I show them that they have made me feel bad by not eating or something silly; I am taking up running and I will get the best body I have ever had; a body I never once imagined I could gain.
Two days ago I ordered my running gear, and I am more excited than ever about starting up running. Not only will this make me look and feel good about myself, without becoming dangerously skinny, I will be able to prove that I am doing something constructive about my weight and even gain a hobby. I am hoping that if I do enjoy this sport I will keep at it for many years to come. I am really excited about doing it because it could be a good stress-reliever, I think I will enjoy it and it may make me look sexier than I ever have.
I bought some crop trousers for running from La senza spirit for £20, a sports bra from La senza spirit for £14, some adidas trainers from sportsdirect.com for £25, an adidas vest from sportsdirect.com for £12, a rucksack from sportsdirect for £7.99 and a flask for water for £1.99.
Also, on Tuesday I discovered an oil called bio-oil which offers specialist skincare to reduce scars, stretch marks, uneven skin tone, ageing skin and dehydrated skin. For me it will help with my stretch marks so I decided to buy some. I read many reviews on amazon about it and it has mostly been rated 4/5 or 5/5 by approximately 30 people, only a few people actually disliked it. But so far it seems to be helping; I've used it 3 times a day for, what it is now my third day using it, and it is already starting to work, also it makes me skin soft. I can also put it in the bath and I can apply it to my face, which has actually helped with spots too!
I have decided to make more of an effort to look after my body, giving my skin good treatment by adding natural oils which replenish skin and prevents and fades stretch marks, running to lose weight and build muscle, keeping spots to a minimum as much as possible by eating less junk food and using bio-oil, and taking good care of myself.
Whilst appearance isn't everything, I know it will make me feel better about myself and thus make me a happier person if I try to make myself look and feel good. I know my boyfriend loves me for who I am and doesn't mind the stretch marks or a tiny bit of chub, and he says he still finds me attractive no matter what. But theres no denying that I will be sexier if I was more toned, less spotty and had fewer stretch marks.
I realise that lately I have let myself slip; I've been eating lots and lots of junkfood and snacks without a care in the world and in turn that has caused me to gain weight and stretch marks to boot. But instead of falling into their trap where they make me feel bad and I show them that they have made me feel bad by not eating or something silly; I am taking up running and I will get the best body I have ever had; a body I never once imagined I could gain.
Two days ago I ordered my running gear, and I am more excited than ever about starting up running. Not only will this make me look and feel good about myself, without becoming dangerously skinny, I will be able to prove that I am doing something constructive about my weight and even gain a hobby. I am hoping that if I do enjoy this sport I will keep at it for many years to come. I am really excited about doing it because it could be a good stress-reliever, I think I will enjoy it and it may make me look sexier than I ever have.
I bought some crop trousers for running from La senza spirit for £20, a sports bra from La senza spirit for £14, some adidas trainers from sportsdirect.com for £25, an adidas vest from sportsdirect.com for £12, a rucksack from sportsdirect for £7.99 and a flask for water for £1.99.
Also, on Tuesday I discovered an oil called bio-oil which offers specialist skincare to reduce scars, stretch marks, uneven skin tone, ageing skin and dehydrated skin. For me it will help with my stretch marks so I decided to buy some. I read many reviews on amazon about it and it has mostly been rated 4/5 or 5/5 by approximately 30 people, only a few people actually disliked it. But so far it seems to be helping; I've used it 3 times a day for, what it is now my third day using it, and it is already starting to work, also it makes me skin soft. I can also put it in the bath and I can apply it to my face, which has actually helped with spots too!
I have decided to make more of an effort to look after my body, giving my skin good treatment by adding natural oils which replenish skin and prevents and fades stretch marks, running to lose weight and build muscle, keeping spots to a minimum as much as possible by eating less junk food and using bio-oil, and taking good care of myself.
Whilst appearance isn't everything, I know it will make me feel better about myself and thus make me a happier person if I try to make myself look and feel good. I know my boyfriend loves me for who I am and doesn't mind the stretch marks or a tiny bit of chub, and he says he still finds me attractive no matter what. But theres no denying that I will be sexier if I was more toned, less spotty and had fewer stretch marks.
Sunday 14 June 2009
Stress... the root of all that is evil?
Being in a stressful house and studying a stressful course has meant that I have had to think of solutions to reducing that stress and limiting the stress as much as possible. If you are feeling stressed, regardless of what is causing it; whether its annoying housemates, arguments within the house, stressful day at work etc, the following tips should help to minimise stress.
(1) Listen to relaxing music - maybe listen to it on your ipod or mp3 player so that no one can complain your music is too loud. While you doing this you can feel like you are in your own little world, somewhere completely stress-free with no one else bothering you. Further tips: While listening to music, lock your bedroom door that way no one can interupt your peaceful moment! Maybe sit on your bed, or under your duvet cover, since afterall the bed is one of the most relaxing of places. You could also get lost in a book or magazine at the same time.
(2) Whatever you do, do not think about the thing which is stressing you - this will only lead to further stress or prolonged stress. I know it is easier said than done, but it is easy to get lost in something fictional such as a movie or TV programme. So if you want to feel better about your life follow the next tip as well
(3) Watch fictional TV and film - I love soap operas because they make me feel better about my life even when I have had a tough day because you can guarantee one of the characters on the soap will be having a more rubbish time than you! I understand that soap operas aren't for everybody though, so maybe just watch a comedy on TV - I also like friends because it is very funny and can make me have a laugh - laughing releases hormones which make you feel good about yourself, so a comedy is always a good way to go! Also, films are good - if you are a woman and love chick flicks, these are particularly good; except if the thing you are stressing over is love, then avoid like the plague!
(4) Have a nice soak in the bath - This always works, even if there are no bubbles! Sometimes just sitting in a nice warm bath and thinking or daydreaming about something can do the world of good.
(5) Go out somewhere for the day or evening - Of course this can be difficult if you don't have time, but if you do, think about going out for the day. In the last couple of weeks, me and boyfriend Philip have gone to London to get away from the stress caused within this house by our awful housemates, Lucy and Tom. Maybe, if possible, just go for a drive; an old friend of mine just loved to go for a drive in the countryside when he was in bad mood. Another good choice is going out for a meal somewhere cheap (that way you don't stress about how much money you are spending either and you can enjoy yourself and know that you don't even have to bother cooking that night!), or go to the cinema and watch a nice film.
(6) Eat healthy food where possible - obviously theres no need to go overboard with the healthiness but avoid fast food restaraunts such as McDonalds because that is guaranteed to add to your bad mood instead of improving it. Junk food does not help with reducing stress and it may make you feel worse, even if it may satisfy some cravings which are caused by stress.
As stated above, stress can cause food cravings and cause someones appetite to increase. You may not even feel hungry and yet you still want to eat - have you ever had that? I get that all the time. Since I've been at university, I have gained 2 stone (around 28 pounds); which has increased my clothing size by one and my breast size by one. My hips are now much bigger, my belly is chubby and I have stretch marks on my breasts, hips and thighs. Whilst I do not dislike my body, and I do think that curvy is now the new fashion, I hate the stretch marks and I want to have curves and a more toned belly minus the skinny, rib-poking-out-ness. Skinny seems to be going out of fashion, and curvy is coming in - look at Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, Avril Lavigne and the new and transformed Britney Spears. Compare this to the often slated Jordan (Katie Price), Cameron Diaz, Madonna and Nicole Richie - these girls are so often slated for their stick-like figure it is unreal. My auntie, my role model, says that she believes women are meant to be curvy, not "straight down" like stick-men and I agree. I don't want to be Nicole Richie, I want to be Christina Aguilera. I don't want to diet excessively or exercise to extreme levels. But I do want to lose this chub and tone up to the new fashion; more like how I was before university, without the stress. There's no need for stress to ruin my figure AND my life - I've managed to figure out ways of preventing stress from ruining my life (see tips above) and now it's time to work on this figure of mine!
The plan:
(1) Eat around 1500 kcal - the guideline daily amount for a woman is 2000 (2500 for a male, I think).
(2) I am going to try to stop myself from getting tempted by too much junk food. Ofcourse the odd snack every once in a while is healthy and can be enjoyed as part of healthy, balanced diet as it says on the packaging. But I did snack every day, and it was not just the one snack, it was about 3 or 4.
(3) Do cardiovascular exercises, but also try to build muscle - I am to go running in the summer when I am back home, but I also aim to start up yoga again because I did really enjoy it and it will help build those muscles, particularly in the abdomen, meaning a more toned stomach!
(1) Listen to relaxing music - maybe listen to it on your ipod or mp3 player so that no one can complain your music is too loud. While you doing this you can feel like you are in your own little world, somewhere completely stress-free with no one else bothering you. Further tips: While listening to music, lock your bedroom door that way no one can interupt your peaceful moment! Maybe sit on your bed, or under your duvet cover, since afterall the bed is one of the most relaxing of places. You could also get lost in a book or magazine at the same time.
(2) Whatever you do, do not think about the thing which is stressing you - this will only lead to further stress or prolonged stress. I know it is easier said than done, but it is easy to get lost in something fictional such as a movie or TV programme. So if you want to feel better about your life follow the next tip as well
(3) Watch fictional TV and film - I love soap operas because they make me feel better about my life even when I have had a tough day because you can guarantee one of the characters on the soap will be having a more rubbish time than you! I understand that soap operas aren't for everybody though, so maybe just watch a comedy on TV - I also like friends because it is very funny and can make me have a laugh - laughing releases hormones which make you feel good about yourself, so a comedy is always a good way to go! Also, films are good - if you are a woman and love chick flicks, these are particularly good; except if the thing you are stressing over is love, then avoid like the plague!
(4) Have a nice soak in the bath - This always works, even if there are no bubbles! Sometimes just sitting in a nice warm bath and thinking or daydreaming about something can do the world of good.
(5) Go out somewhere for the day or evening - Of course this can be difficult if you don't have time, but if you do, think about going out for the day. In the last couple of weeks, me and boyfriend Philip have gone to London to get away from the stress caused within this house by our awful housemates, Lucy and Tom. Maybe, if possible, just go for a drive; an old friend of mine just loved to go for a drive in the countryside when he was in bad mood. Another good choice is going out for a meal somewhere cheap (that way you don't stress about how much money you are spending either and you can enjoy yourself and know that you don't even have to bother cooking that night!), or go to the cinema and watch a nice film.
(6) Eat healthy food where possible - obviously theres no need to go overboard with the healthiness but avoid fast food restaraunts such as McDonalds because that is guaranteed to add to your bad mood instead of improving it. Junk food does not help with reducing stress and it may make you feel worse, even if it may satisfy some cravings which are caused by stress.
As stated above, stress can cause food cravings and cause someones appetite to increase. You may not even feel hungry and yet you still want to eat - have you ever had that? I get that all the time. Since I've been at university, I have gained 2 stone (around 28 pounds); which has increased my clothing size by one and my breast size by one. My hips are now much bigger, my belly is chubby and I have stretch marks on my breasts, hips and thighs. Whilst I do not dislike my body, and I do think that curvy is now the new fashion, I hate the stretch marks and I want to have curves and a more toned belly minus the skinny, rib-poking-out-ness. Skinny seems to be going out of fashion, and curvy is coming in - look at Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, Avril Lavigne and the new and transformed Britney Spears. Compare this to the often slated Jordan (Katie Price), Cameron Diaz, Madonna and Nicole Richie - these girls are so often slated for their stick-like figure it is unreal. My auntie, my role model, says that she believes women are meant to be curvy, not "straight down" like stick-men and I agree. I don't want to be Nicole Richie, I want to be Christina Aguilera. I don't want to diet excessively or exercise to extreme levels. But I do want to lose this chub and tone up to the new fashion; more like how I was before university, without the stress. There's no need for stress to ruin my figure AND my life - I've managed to figure out ways of preventing stress from ruining my life (see tips above) and now it's time to work on this figure of mine!
The plan:
(1) Eat around 1500 kcal - the guideline daily amount for a woman is 2000 (2500 for a male, I think).
(2) I am going to try to stop myself from getting tempted by too much junk food. Ofcourse the odd snack every once in a while is healthy and can be enjoyed as part of healthy, balanced diet as it says on the packaging. But I did snack every day, and it was not just the one snack, it was about 3 or 4.
(3) Do cardiovascular exercises, but also try to build muscle - I am to go running in the summer when I am back home, but I also aim to start up yoga again because I did really enjoy it and it will help build those muscles, particularly in the abdomen, meaning a more toned stomach!
Saturday 13 June 2009
Life as a first year student
Since September 2008 and up until Saturday 20th 2009, I can safely say my experience of the first year of university has been a tough, yet a gripping, even thrilling experience. The new experience of university was a tough one to grasp - the experience of being in a completely different place, a new house far from home, meeting lots of new people who it seemed impossible to relate to culturally and emotionally (I go to a very multicultural university, and on my course in fact, it is difficult to find people who are from England, this means that there can be a cultural clash when it comes to humour, differences in ideas and opinions etc. The asians tend to hang out with the asians, the black British people tend to hang out with other black British people, and often I wonder where that leaves me, since I am one of the few white British people on the course with very different ideas about things), the experience of a completely new course, and not to mention a much higher difficulty level. I was being thrown into the deep end with lots of new terms and posh words I'd never heard before since I had grown up in a very working class area to my working class mother (who is a cleaner). And the course was new to me since I'd never studied law before. Since I was a child, I wanted to study law - I remember thinking "people look up to lawyers, I want to be a lawyer!". It's not about the money. It's not about power. It's about being respected by everybody; feeling wanted and needed in society. Maybe that sounds shallow, or maybe it is a normal human need (or want). Whilst I do get respected by the outsider when they ask "what do you study?" and I say "law" and they look at me like 'wow! well done, you've done well for yourself!', however, within the huge machine that is law it is a different matter. Everyone is doing the same as me, striving for the same things and nobody is more important than the other. People see eachother as a threat. There is huge jealously over things like essay grades. One of the reasons people don't like me - and I have been told this by a girl on my course - is because in my seminars I participate maybe more than I should and this makes me appear like I think I am better than everyone else and that I even scare them with how motivated and focused on work I am. My best friend from secondary school no longer wishes to be a friend of mine because she says that since I have been at university I have changed; apparently I am now self-absorbed and all I ever talk about is work and that makes it difficult to have a conversation with me. It's like I'm not even me anymore sometimes. This machine I've entered myself into, at my own free-will, has changed me and I haven't even realised it. I've gone from this fun-loving, easy-going girl who loved to have a laugh with friends about silly things such as sex, and partying to somebody who works all the time, pays too much mind to essays and exams - more than is probably healthy, just so I can become a bigger part of the machine and be respected by outsiders. But at the end of the day, as a smaller part of this machine, I am virtually a nobody; I am just another one of the same, manufactured to perhaps, just maybe, become somebody big. I have often wondered, is it worth this? Will I get a good job? Will I be respected? Will I even have a social life or friends left? As it stands, most of my friends from home have gone astray and as explained, it has been hard to make friends at university - but the one true friend I have made, I am now in a relationship with - my Philip. Only he knows the real me and understands me - he knows the girl I used to be constantly, but also the hard-working side of me. We can have a laugh, joke and I can go back to how I used to be - that fun-loving, easy-going girl that I am.
But it isn't just the course which has changed me. Experiences since I have been here have changed the way I am. I have gone from extroverted, crazy girl to introverted, yet probably still quite crazy girl. Why, you may ask? From the first day here I found it tough moving in, getting to know people - I was really shy for the first real time in my life and I didn't get to know anybody except my housemates, and one guy from a few streets down - Simon. He was a clingy guy who just wouldn't leave me alone - again not helping my friendship situation as it was diffcult to move into different circles of friends. But one day he just ditched me/our friendship (long story, but it all amounts to him being an asshole and showing his true colours). This meant that I couldn't meet new people, but it also changed me for the worse because he treated me like shit and made me feel inadequate. This hurt me deeply inside and I became depressed, stressy, short-tempered and even more of a recluse than I was already since I started university. He also resulted in me cutting contact from most friends at home since he never gave me a chance to be alone so that I could catch up with them. As a result I was very lonely - this is how me and Philip (my boyfriend) started speaking more and eventually became best friends.
Another reason for my change is difficult, arrogant and nasty housemates. Tom was very untidy, always played his music loud on his crazy-huge speakers, and was nasty to me since week one - he is very arrogant; thinks he is better than everybody else, doesn't do anything when asked and very lazy. Lucy is able to control Tom and twist him around her little finger; he's like her lapdog. Lucy is obnoxious, two-faced and manipulative. She pretends like she does work around the house, but she did nothing. I did all the work out of necessity, and often wonder why I bothered now because it made me miserable. I was emptying rat and maggot infested bins regularly, hoovering regularly, cleaning toilets more than 3 times a week, cleaning the bathroom, and 2 weeks ago I cleaned the oven even though Tom caused all the mess (this task took 3 hours!). On the last day, Tom and Lucy decided to have fun by doing really nasty things such as talking about me when they thought I wasn't there saying things such as how much weight I'd put on and saying that I never stop eating [which is all because of the stress they, and this course has been causing me since day 1]. They also put curry powder in my hot chocolate AND Philips hot chocolate. Thankfully they have left now and I do not have to put up with the riduculous behaviour of these children- only problem is with calling them this, is that I don't want to give children a bad reputation.
Throughout the course I found time management very difficult because there was so much to keep on top of - many, many essays/assignments, 10 lectures a week, 4 seminars a week plus seminar preparation which took 2 hours for each seminar. As you can imagine, this stressed me out dearly! I finished my exams 2 weeks ago - which were hard because not only were they in extremely close proximity of each other (I had contract law one day, then the next day I had public law and then I had a days "break" (though I spent it all revising), then there was another exam), but I did not have very long to revise for them and so much to revise. But I am relieved that these exams are over, and that I am officially done for the first year. I just need to wait until 13th July to find out my results. You may be wondering, then, why I say between September 2008 and Saturday 20th 2009 - this is because I am remaining in my university accommodation until then. Luckily I have Philip to keep me company for the time being.
What have I learnt from this whole university experience? (1) Keep on top of work; only listen to necessary lectures, (2) ensure I leave plenty of time before the exams to revise - do not go off on holiday (I admit, I went on a 2 week holiday to Luxembourg just a few weeks before exams! Not a good idea) (3) try to remain on good terms with housemates but always be cautious with them - do not trust them (4) try harder to make friends and do not talk all the time with these new people about work; remember that there is more to life than work (5) remember to have a good time and relax occassionally (I have been doing that lately by taking a few trips to London, and thankfully I have a 4-month summer break to recover from the first years hustle and bustle before the next year starts) (6) keep on top of essays. I feel like I have learnt so much more than this, however, but the list would be very long and it is difficult to think because the experience has been so overwhelming and different.
You may be wondering why, since the university experience has been causing me so much stress, I decided to stay? The main reason for this is that I do not like to fail at things. I like to be sucessful, achieve my goals and show my family in particular that I can make it at university. I would have felt like a failure if I dropped out, and this is the main reason I stayed. But also I love the course and find law a very thrilling experience - even if it may be changing me. But I feel that experiences will change everyone, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. But although I may be like marmite - some people love me, some people hate me - even since I started this course. And although it has changed me - I will just have to accept these changes, since to try and make myself different would be to become superficial. I also feel that my remaining friends and future friends will have to love me for who I am and respect me for who I am.
Next year I do think things will be different in my life, for the better. Because although the course may be harder, it might be interesting and it will be good to have a change in modules and these sound very interesting. Me and Philip are still going strong and things could be getting better for us - plus we won't be living together next year, so we get more free-space which could make our relationship even stronger. Also I am going to be living with much nicer people who want the same as me - a peaceful, clean and tidy house! Horray! Also, they are from my law course which could broaden my social life; I have the opportunity to become good friends with them, and perhaps meet some of their friends. I just need to ensure I remain in their good books and try not to argue wtih them.
But it isn't just the course which has changed me. Experiences since I have been here have changed the way I am. I have gone from extroverted, crazy girl to introverted, yet probably still quite crazy girl. Why, you may ask? From the first day here I found it tough moving in, getting to know people - I was really shy for the first real time in my life and I didn't get to know anybody except my housemates, and one guy from a few streets down - Simon. He was a clingy guy who just wouldn't leave me alone - again not helping my friendship situation as it was diffcult to move into different circles of friends. But one day he just ditched me/our friendship (long story, but it all amounts to him being an asshole and showing his true colours). This meant that I couldn't meet new people, but it also changed me for the worse because he treated me like shit and made me feel inadequate. This hurt me deeply inside and I became depressed, stressy, short-tempered and even more of a recluse than I was already since I started university. He also resulted in me cutting contact from most friends at home since he never gave me a chance to be alone so that I could catch up with them. As a result I was very lonely - this is how me and Philip (my boyfriend) started speaking more and eventually became best friends.
Another reason for my change is difficult, arrogant and nasty housemates. Tom was very untidy, always played his music loud on his crazy-huge speakers, and was nasty to me since week one - he is very arrogant; thinks he is better than everybody else, doesn't do anything when asked and very lazy. Lucy is able to control Tom and twist him around her little finger; he's like her lapdog. Lucy is obnoxious, two-faced and manipulative. She pretends like she does work around the house, but she did nothing. I did all the work out of necessity, and often wonder why I bothered now because it made me miserable. I was emptying rat and maggot infested bins regularly, hoovering regularly, cleaning toilets more than 3 times a week, cleaning the bathroom, and 2 weeks ago I cleaned the oven even though Tom caused all the mess (this task took 3 hours!). On the last day, Tom and Lucy decided to have fun by doing really nasty things such as talking about me when they thought I wasn't there saying things such as how much weight I'd put on and saying that I never stop eating [which is all because of the stress they, and this course has been causing me since day 1]. They also put curry powder in my hot chocolate AND Philips hot chocolate. Thankfully they have left now and I do not have to put up with the riduculous behaviour of these children- only problem is with calling them this, is that I don't want to give children a bad reputation.
Throughout the course I found time management very difficult because there was so much to keep on top of - many, many essays/assignments, 10 lectures a week, 4 seminars a week plus seminar preparation which took 2 hours for each seminar. As you can imagine, this stressed me out dearly! I finished my exams 2 weeks ago - which were hard because not only were they in extremely close proximity of each other (I had contract law one day, then the next day I had public law and then I had a days "break" (though I spent it all revising), then there was another exam), but I did not have very long to revise for them and so much to revise. But I am relieved that these exams are over, and that I am officially done for the first year. I just need to wait until 13th July to find out my results. You may be wondering, then, why I say between September 2008 and Saturday 20th 2009 - this is because I am remaining in my university accommodation until then. Luckily I have Philip to keep me company for the time being.
What have I learnt from this whole university experience? (1) Keep on top of work; only listen to necessary lectures, (2) ensure I leave plenty of time before the exams to revise - do not go off on holiday (I admit, I went on a 2 week holiday to Luxembourg just a few weeks before exams! Not a good idea) (3) try to remain on good terms with housemates but always be cautious with them - do not trust them (4) try harder to make friends and do not talk all the time with these new people about work; remember that there is more to life than work (5) remember to have a good time and relax occassionally (I have been doing that lately by taking a few trips to London, and thankfully I have a 4-month summer break to recover from the first years hustle and bustle before the next year starts) (6) keep on top of essays. I feel like I have learnt so much more than this, however, but the list would be very long and it is difficult to think because the experience has been so overwhelming and different.
You may be wondering why, since the university experience has been causing me so much stress, I decided to stay? The main reason for this is that I do not like to fail at things. I like to be sucessful, achieve my goals and show my family in particular that I can make it at university. I would have felt like a failure if I dropped out, and this is the main reason I stayed. But also I love the course and find law a very thrilling experience - even if it may be changing me. But I feel that experiences will change everyone, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. But although I may be like marmite - some people love me, some people hate me - even since I started this course. And although it has changed me - I will just have to accept these changes, since to try and make myself different would be to become superficial. I also feel that my remaining friends and future friends will have to love me for who I am and respect me for who I am.
Next year I do think things will be different in my life, for the better. Because although the course may be harder, it might be interesting and it will be good to have a change in modules and these sound very interesting. Me and Philip are still going strong and things could be getting better for us - plus we won't be living together next year, so we get more free-space which could make our relationship even stronger. Also I am going to be living with much nicer people who want the same as me - a peaceful, clean and tidy house! Horray! Also, they are from my law course which could broaden my social life; I have the opportunity to become good friends with them, and perhaps meet some of their friends. I just need to ensure I remain in their good books and try not to argue wtih them.
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