Tuesday 18 August 2009
Why am I so fed up?
The last 4 days I have been a sense of melancholy and deep boredom! I know I have things to do; I've got my french to learn, soap operas to catch up on and an article to write for 'The Argument', yet I can't bring myself to do it. Today is worse than its been a long time - I don't usually feel depressed, but today in particular I have been extremely down in the dumps and I don't know why. I think most of it is that I have been stuck in my bedroom for 3 weeks now with nothing to do. I've got no money, my boyfriend has gone off on holiday, I haven't seen my friends (the few that I have anyway!) in over 2 and a half weeks and I am getting bored of everything - even the things I usually love to do. I thought "lets write an article".... but I couldn't write it because my mind went blank and I couldn't think of anything; and I didn't feel like doing it after that. I haven't felt 'in the mood' to learn any French for 4 days. I haven't done any running for weeks now and I really don't feel in the mood to do that, even though it used to make me happy. And I just went to look at pictures of me and Philip; something that 4 days ago, would make me smile very much and laugh my head off because we have such weird and wonderful pictures. But today, I am just down in the dumps quite badly and I don't know why. Nothing seems to make sense. Before these past few days, I had been feeling happier than ever and truely optimistic. I thought that next year would be a brilliant new start for me at university; I would make loads of new friends, join a billion and 1 societies, continue my great relationship with my wonderful boyfriend. This will still happen (I hope), don't get me wrong. But now, my mind has suddenly gone from one extremity (optimism) to another (pessimissm) and I don't know how to shake it since I don't really know what the leading cause is. I guess its a combination of being truely fed up of Philip not being here; being bored to tears, almost, with everything that I do day in, day out - nothing ever changes. I wake up - usually too late - turn on my laptop, check facebook throuhgout the day about 200 times, watch a few soaps maybe, play some music that I am sick and tired of on youtube and chat to the same people everyday - I love these people, don't get me wrong... but its just the routine of it. I want to be able to say "I know... today I will go shopping!" or spontaneously decide to go out clubbing with mates but I have no money. Instead I am stuck in my dingy room as per usual wishing I could get out. And all the while, family issues occur. Mum gets a bill through the post of just under £3000 which the shitty Inland Revenue over paid her six damn years ago and only informed her of today! That means now my birthday will be virtually non-existant and we will have to virtually starve for the next 3 years while she pays that back on top of her other bills! I can't go out clubbing with my mates for my birthday - even though I've 'planned' a joint birthday party with Justine - because I have no money! I guess this just makes up for what a bad, terrible, horrible person I am.... thanks life... thanks for giving me almost the worst year ever (apart from giving me ONE good thing, and thats Philip!) and then making my birthday the suckiest I've ever experienced in my life. You know... maybe I am being too pessimistic here, because I know I have Philip and he will probably make me really happy on my birthday. But when I get in this frame of mind where everything sucks and everything is boring and nothing is going how I want it to go, I can't see anything in a positive light. The sooner Philip comes back and saves me from this misery the better!
Thursday 13 August 2009
The month summed up
Sorry about the lack of updates; I had writers block for a while and I've also had an exciting and busy month!
The brief overview is that my boyfriend came over from Luxembourg; I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks so I was missing him muchly. I cooked him a roast dinner on the first day and it almost failed disastrously, but in the end he had to help me cook it because he arrived 2 hours earlier than he said he would, I didn't have all the ingredients so had to borrow some off my mum and then I took forever to peel things so I needed his help lol... never doing a roast dinner again! haha.
I was over my grandma's (known as 'nan' in England... just so you American's don't think I am talking about a nanny lol) for the week looking after her house and dog while she went on holiday to Devon. I almost had a mental break down though because the dog did my head in because he poo'd on the carpet 3 times, and poor Philip ended up cleaning it up :( I feel so guilty about that!
The same day the dog poo'd on the carpet and caused us havvoc, we got our exam results! I did really well, I got a 2:1 (known as a Upper Second Class Honours) in law for the first year, and Philip got a 2:1 in music technology for his first year too. So that is good! :D That night, we got a little drunk on champagne and it was the most passionate night I have ever experienced, I think :P
Then we went on holiday to Inverness in Scotland. Despite the lack of money (which got me down a little because I was worrying all the time instead of relaxing), it was a fantastic holiday! We stayed in a really fancy bed and breakfast just outside of Inverness, in the middle of no where, so there were beautiful scenery. The service was really good; breakfast was extremely tasty, and our bedroom we really posh! :) We saw dolphins on the Moray Firth cruise... they came right up to the boat! It was perfect! :D That was probably the highlight of the holiday. We also took a cruise along the loch ness, which was really good but the winds were horrific and I felt like I was going to get blown over board lol! We went to a really fascinating ruined castle on the edge of the loch ness called Urquhart castle; I recommend it, if you ever go to that part of Scotland! We went to the victorian market which was pretty kool; it was basically a shopping mall that was made in the victorian times and it still looks very much victorian with lots of little shops. We went to Cawdor castle which was where Shakespeare's play 'Macbeth' was set. The inside was OK, but it was annoying because we couldn't touch anything and they even had censors so that if you touched anything an alarm would go off (we found out this when Philip leant over the barrier to find out if some fake fruit was real and got told off! LOL!). The gardens and forest surrounding Cawdor castle was beautiful though; absolutely stunning, and there was even a red river flowing alongside it which was really pretty :). We also learnt a lot about the history of the last battle which took place on British school, near Inverness; we went to Culloden Battlefield (where the last battle took place over 200 years ago), and Fort George - an amazing fort built to protect against any future uprising. Fort George was absolutely massive, but it was terribly winding and I can't imagine it ever being warm there because it is extremely high up and surrounded by water - so if you ever go, wear a coat and a hat! Culloden Battlefield was interesting, but what was particularly interesting was the new visitor centre which told you everything you needed to know about the battle in a lot of detail; they had a little museum in there, a video room where it made you feel like you were actually in the battle etc. We also took a walk along Caledonian Canal, the River Ness up to the Ness islands (which were beautiful and a really lovely walk) and we went into the Inverness Museum. The museum is worth a visit as there were lots of stuffed animals like otters, wolves, badgers and it was really fascinating. We were also lucky enough to be in Inverness during the annual Highland games, where there were people playing the bagpipes, scottish dance competitions, basque sports and dances, birds of prey were bought in and we actually got to stroke them! Not to mention caber tossing! Overall it was an action packed holiday and both me and Philip thoroughly enjoyed it.
After that we came back to my house and we weren't quite sure what to do with ourselves. We ended up building a 1000 piece puzzle (with the help of my mum) which took us several hours! We played some board games, went for a trip to the lakes on a nice sunny day, had dinner at my nans a few times (my cousins came down to visit and so Philip had a chance to meet them) and we also watched a few episodes of Planet Earth. But the most exciting bit of this week, for me, was that me and Philip started writing a song about my heart operation, which Philip will eventually record once it is finished (hes the musician, not me! haha I am just the subject of the song lol).
When Philip left, I went clubbing with some friends (Justine and Grace and several of Grace's friends) which was really fun. I got all my drinks bought for me (I got bought about 15 drinks that night, not to mention the ones at Grace's and Martin's!), and we even got into the VIP lounge due to Grace's sexy clubbing dress LOL! The only downside is that after being in a club full of about 1000 people, I ended up contracting swine flu and was virtually bed ridden for 6 days after that! I am now recovered, though I wouldn't say fully because I still have a cough and a snivelly nose but I am LOADS better than I was!
So as you can see it has been a very busy month and here are just a few pictures of the events!
Left: Drummers and bagpipe players at the Highland games in Inverness
Right: An owl at the Highland games in Inverness
Left: Caledonian Canal
Right: Ness islands along the River Ness
Left: a section of Fort George
Right: the bed and breakfast me and Philip were staying in, it was 5* and called Daviot Lodge
Left: The views from Loch ness, including the side of Urquhart castle
Right: inside Urquhart castle ruins
Left: Philip next to the red river which flows alongside Cawdor castle
Right: Cawdor castle behind lots of flowers from their beautiful gardens!
My footage from Moray Firth cruises of the dolphins:
The brief overview is that my boyfriend came over from Luxembourg; I hadn't seen him for 3 weeks so I was missing him muchly. I cooked him a roast dinner on the first day and it almost failed disastrously, but in the end he had to help me cook it because he arrived 2 hours earlier than he said he would, I didn't have all the ingredients so had to borrow some off my mum and then I took forever to peel things so I needed his help lol... never doing a roast dinner again! haha.
I was over my grandma's (known as 'nan' in England... just so you American's don't think I am talking about a nanny lol) for the week looking after her house and dog while she went on holiday to Devon. I almost had a mental break down though because the dog did my head in because he poo'd on the carpet 3 times, and poor Philip ended up cleaning it up :( I feel so guilty about that!
The same day the dog poo'd on the carpet and caused us havvoc, we got our exam results! I did really well, I got a 2:1 (known as a Upper Second Class Honours) in law for the first year, and Philip got a 2:1 in music technology for his first year too. So that is good! :D That night, we got a little drunk on champagne and it was the most passionate night I have ever experienced, I think :P
Then we went on holiday to Inverness in Scotland. Despite the lack of money (which got me down a little because I was worrying all the time instead of relaxing), it was a fantastic holiday! We stayed in a really fancy bed and breakfast just outside of Inverness, in the middle of no where, so there were beautiful scenery. The service was really good; breakfast was extremely tasty, and our bedroom we really posh! :) We saw dolphins on the Moray Firth cruise... they came right up to the boat! It was perfect! :D That was probably the highlight of the holiday. We also took a cruise along the loch ness, which was really good but the winds were horrific and I felt like I was going to get blown over board lol! We went to a really fascinating ruined castle on the edge of the loch ness called Urquhart castle; I recommend it, if you ever go to that part of Scotland! We went to the victorian market which was pretty kool; it was basically a shopping mall that was made in the victorian times and it still looks very much victorian with lots of little shops. We went to Cawdor castle which was where Shakespeare's play 'Macbeth' was set. The inside was OK, but it was annoying because we couldn't touch anything and they even had censors so that if you touched anything an alarm would go off (we found out this when Philip leant over the barrier to find out if some fake fruit was real and got told off! LOL!). The gardens and forest surrounding Cawdor castle was beautiful though; absolutely stunning, and there was even a red river flowing alongside it which was really pretty :). We also learnt a lot about the history of the last battle which took place on British school, near Inverness; we went to Culloden Battlefield (where the last battle took place over 200 years ago), and Fort George - an amazing fort built to protect against any future uprising. Fort George was absolutely massive, but it was terribly winding and I can't imagine it ever being warm there because it is extremely high up and surrounded by water - so if you ever go, wear a coat and a hat! Culloden Battlefield was interesting, but what was particularly interesting was the new visitor centre which told you everything you needed to know about the battle in a lot of detail; they had a little museum in there, a video room where it made you feel like you were actually in the battle etc. We also took a walk along Caledonian Canal, the River Ness up to the Ness islands (which were beautiful and a really lovely walk) and we went into the Inverness Museum. The museum is worth a visit as there were lots of stuffed animals like otters, wolves, badgers and it was really fascinating. We were also lucky enough to be in Inverness during the annual Highland games, where there were people playing the bagpipes, scottish dance competitions, basque sports and dances, birds of prey were bought in and we actually got to stroke them! Not to mention caber tossing! Overall it was an action packed holiday and both me and Philip thoroughly enjoyed it.
After that we came back to my house and we weren't quite sure what to do with ourselves. We ended up building a 1000 piece puzzle (with the help of my mum) which took us several hours! We played some board games, went for a trip to the lakes on a nice sunny day, had dinner at my nans a few times (my cousins came down to visit and so Philip had a chance to meet them) and we also watched a few episodes of Planet Earth. But the most exciting bit of this week, for me, was that me and Philip started writing a song about my heart operation, which Philip will eventually record once it is finished (hes the musician, not me! haha I am just the subject of the song lol).
When Philip left, I went clubbing with some friends (Justine and Grace and several of Grace's friends) which was really fun. I got all my drinks bought for me (I got bought about 15 drinks that night, not to mention the ones at Grace's and Martin's!), and we even got into the VIP lounge due to Grace's sexy clubbing dress LOL! The only downside is that after being in a club full of about 1000 people, I ended up contracting swine flu and was virtually bed ridden for 6 days after that! I am now recovered, though I wouldn't say fully because I still have a cough and a snivelly nose but I am LOADS better than I was!
So as you can see it has been a very busy month and here are just a few pictures of the events!
Left: Drummers and bagpipe players at the Highland games in Inverness
Right: An owl at the Highland games in Inverness
Left: Caledonian Canal
Right: Ness islands along the River Ness
Left: a section of Fort George
Right: the bed and breakfast me and Philip were staying in, it was 5* and called Daviot Lodge
Left: The views from Loch ness, including the side of Urquhart castle
Right: inside Urquhart castle ruins
Left: Philip next to the red river which flows alongside Cawdor castle
Right: Cawdor castle behind lots of flowers from their beautiful gardens!
My footage from Moray Firth cruises of the dolphins:
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